Why You Cele-hatin’

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Before my current writing life, there was The Hilltop, Howard University’s and the Nation’s Oldest Black Collegiate Newspaper, where many of the questions and themes I still explore first found their voice. What follows are my early published works, preserved in their original form.


From The Hilltop Archives

Originally published in The Hilltop, Howard University — April 9th, 2004

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Why You Cele-hatin’

This is how it's going to be done:

 

My man Bill Maher is on hiatus, so I'll pick up the slack.

 

NEW RULE... Can a Brotha Get an Endzone Dance

 

As of next season, touchdowns are going to be so depressing. It's wasn't supposed to be like this. It used to be such a glorious event; the endzone is the holy land, heaven if you will. Everybody wants in, but only a select few get there. So, when the person we least expect crosses that threshold and sees the light (probably just flashing cameras), it should be a time to celebrate. 

 

Who are they to deny a lineman, the biggest man on the field, from his moment in the spotlight. He picks up a fumble and by the time either team realizes who has the ball, he's off to the races. He's running his hardest. It may not be fast, it may not be graceful, but in those few minutes before scoring, he's king of the world. And when he finally gets in the endzone, let him catch his breath first, then bring out the band and let the celebration begin. Chances are, that's the only shot he'll get, let him live it up. He deserved it.

 

NEW RULE...Express Yourself

 

They're on national TV in front of millions, what a perfect time to act a complete and utter fool. I mean let's be real, Dubya does when he's in front of the camera and I don't hear anybody complaining. Besides, if you want to make Sportscenter's Ultimate Highlight or Top Ten, you gotta do something that people want to see. I don't want to hear about "excessive celebration;" there's no such thing. The creators of the constitution granted US freedom of expression 217 years ago. It's our right as people of this "great" nation to use every ounce of it no matter how much they try and deny us. 

 

NEW RULE...Dance, Dance Football-ution

 

So daddy (The League Officials) wants to punish them for expressing themselves? As children, aren't we encouraged to express our creativity? Now it's all a big contradiction, that's why these players are so confused. How else can you explain multimillion dollar, self-centered athletes clamoring for attention, they don't know what to do: show-off or quietly hand the ball to the ref.

 

I'll agree with the league, T.O.'s Sharpie incident and Chad Johnson hand-inked banner deserved PEN-alties and Joe Horn's celly under the goal post was uncalled for. But what you gonna do, it's entertainment. Enough with individuals trying to outdo one another, let's make this a team effort. Remember "The Dirty Bird" and "The Mile High Salute," those were good, but with time and practice teams can do better. 

 

Here's what I propose: teams get 30 seconds to show their creativity. It's a one shot deal; they'll be judged solely on creativity and uniqueness. If the crowd is pleased, they'll get an addtional point, if not they'll try again the following next week. What's the harm in these big kids having a little fun?

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