Lace ‘em Up…

Before my current writing life, there was The Hilltop, Howard University’s and the Nation’s Oldest Black Collegiate Newspaper, where many of the questions and themes I still explore first found their voice. What follows are my early published works, preserved in their original form.

From The Hilltop Archives

Originally published in The Hilltop, Howard University — October 8th, 2004

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Lace ‘em Up…

Michael Buffer: Good evening and welcome to the Convocation Center on the beautiful campus of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. 

 

(Applause and Cheers)

 

Tonight's debate is scheduled for 18 questions and is brought to you by the Commission of Presidential Debates, The Miccosukee Tribe of Indians Of Florida and Miller Beers - the President of Beers - proud sponsor of the Presidential Debates.

 

Ladies and Gentlemen: LLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO RUMMMMMMBLE!!!

 

And now, the main event. In this corner, born in Denver, Colo., he now lives in Boston, Mass. Standing at six feet four and one half inches tall and weighing 195 pounds; he's the master of "Flip-Flop Politics," representing the donkeys of the Democratic Party Sen. John "Botox" Kerry.

 

And in this corner, born in New Haven, Conn., he has a ranch in Crawford, Tex. and currently resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. He stands 6 feet even and weighs 194 pounds; he graduated from Yale in '68 at the middle of his class and is infamous for his "bomb first, question later, truth never" tactics; representing the elephants of the Republican Party President George "Dubya" Bush.

 

(Bell rings)

 

Judge Mills Lane: Touch note-pads. Now I want a good, clean debate. You each will be alternating questions and given two minutes to answer. Afterwards, there will be a 90-second rebuttal. No talking around the question, no low blows and absolutely no contradictions. Any questions? Are you both clear of the rules? (both nod) Let's get it on!

 

Jim Lampley: Jim Lampley here, podium side with Larry Merchant and this has the makings to be a great debate. Looking at the Tale-of-Tape, Kerry has a four-and-a-half inch height advantage, but it might not be a facto in this decision. Both graduated from Yale and have done their time in service. Larry this seems to be a pretty even debate; what do you think are going to be the keys to victory?

 

Larry Merchant: Well I tell you Jim, each candidate is going to have to hit the issues and hit them hard. There's no backing down now. Tonight's bout can have a huge impact on them in the long run. Spectators aren't going to stand for them dancing around the issue. I tell you what else, Kerry's been laying low throughout his whole campaign. Now he's in the spotlight and he'd better give the people their money's worth. And Bush, we already know his track record and he isn't the best public speaker. If he wants to be victorious, he has to take notes. There are no speechwriters and no teleprompter; let's just hope his coaches prepared him properly.

 

(Question One Bell)

 

(transcript from www.debate.org) Jim Lehrer: Good evening, Mr. President, Senator Kerry. As determined by a coin toss, the first question goes to you Sen. Kerry. You have two minutes. Do you believe you could do a better job than President Bush in preventing another 9/11-type terrorist attack on the United States?

 

Kerry: Yes, I do... I can make Americans safer than President Bush has made us. I'll never give a veto to any country over our security. But I also know how to lead those alliances...

 

Lampley: This isn't surprising Larry, Kerry came out of his corner swinging. As the contender, it's important for him to establish his ground early. 

 

Kerry: This president has left them (US soldiers) in shatters across the globe, and we're now 90 percent of the casualties in Iraq and 90 percent of the costs...

 

Merchant: He wasted no time Jim; he went straight for Bush's weakness, his decision to go into Iraq. We knew it was going to be a hard-hitting fight, but not this early, whoa. 

 

Lehrer: Mr. President, you have a 90-second rebuttal.

 

Bush: In Iraq, we saw a threat, and we realized that after September 11, we must take these threats seriously...

 

Lampley: And there it is, the big counter by the President.

 

Merchant: Jim, he made a good point, but I don't think that hit stunned Kerry at all. 

 

(Bell sounding the end of Question One)

 

Lampley: How do you see it Harold?

 

Harold Lederman: All right Jim, I got it, one question to none in favor of Kerry. Bush just didn't make that connection between September 11 and Iraq. He's gotta do better if he wants to win those votes. It's still too early to tell; we've got 17 questions left and I think we might be in for a long bout Jim. Neither candidate's issues are strong enough for the KO, so this might come down to the final question...

 

That's how I think the first debate should have gone. Spice it up a bit; nobody said the presidential election couldn't be interesting. But I guess America would much rather watch the two candidates stand on stage talking for an hour-and-a-half, because they weren't debating. Can a brotha get a play-by-play commentary, an audience cough, a sneeze, something? I just hope tonight's debate (yawn) keeps me awake.

 

Wait, this just in, Cheney and Edwards has been called the debate of the election. Rumble VPs, Rumble. 

 

They were going at it and getting nasty. Edwards was talking about the Bush administration's inability the capture bin Laden when they had the chance and Cheney was dogging the Kerry-Edwards record, research and decisions.

 

For a second I thought Gwen Ifill was moderating "The Dozens." It was close, but I don't think people were ready to witness the first ever pulling of the "Yo Mama" card, election style. And the only time the two were gay and merry toward one another is when they were discussing... well gays and if they should marry. After their digression, they were back at it and the entire night Cheney didn't seem to have an answer to Edwards dropping the H-bomb. His best response, Edwards was using Halliburton as a smokescreen and Cheney directed viewers a website that cleared the air. 

 

But get this, the website that Cheney cited, factcheck.com, does support the arguments in the debate, just not Cheney's. It redirects people searching of the truth to georgesoros.com where they're hit with the headline "Why We Must Not Re-elect Bush: A Personal Message From George Soros;" I don't need to say any more, (fact)check-it out yourself.

 

Good job Dick, way to take one for the team; next time get your dot-coms and dot-orgs right.

 

The truth will come out whether it slips, leaks or is forced out and where there's a smokescreen, there's firestorm and it's time to burn this mutha-of-a-lie down. 

 

Personally, I don't care how extensive candidates' resumes or qualifications are. When it comes to who I vote for, it doesn't matter what you did, who you did it with and when and how you did it. We're witnessing how the experienced and qualified are handling this nation right now. If you say you've got a plan and you're going to fix this toilet, cool; but you've got to do a lot more than just talk about it. So until somebody does, I am from the Missouri: SHOW ME the truth.